As the saying goes you never know the value, importance of what you have until it’s gone. Breaking up with someone you thought of spending the rest of your life with suck. But the thoughts of finding someone else and having to start afresh with someone new kills the most. We like it or not these things happen and they happen to most of us. The question is what are some of the best ways to help someone win their partner back after a breakup? Chief Bwette, as someone that works with broken hearted souls every day, using my experience; I have listed down some of the ways that you can adapt to help you save your relationship from a breakup. Ok without out wasting any more time let’s get started.

Stop pleading, stop being needy, stop being desperate. One of the deadliest mistake people going through a breakup make is becoming needy, pleady and desperate. This behaviour is a huge mistake, it leads people to doing all sort of unnecessary actions, actions that are likely to further mess up the chances of saving their relationship from a breaking, actions that they shouldn’t be doing, at least not, given the current situation. Even though desperateness and neediness in the mind of one doing it may seem to be the easiest and most logical thing to do in order to make their partners stay, let me tell you something, it’s the worst and you should never do it if you want your partner back. Let’s see why!

Neediness and desperation pushes you partner away. When your partner brakes up from you, the best thing that you can ever do to make them feel good is doing nothing at all, yes doing nothing. What I mean is at least for a while don’t try to fix things; unless you clearly know what you are trying to fix. We shall see what I mean by this statement as the article unfolds. As hard as it sounds, all your partner wants from you is space. They want to be left alone; they want that little time to feel free from all the drama and issues in your relationship which they think is your entire fault. When you become desperate, you make them feel like someone is forcefully intruding their privacy; it turns their behaviours into defensive mode, defensive against the perceived intrusion from your neediness and desperateness. They become defensive in a way that, they want to run away from whatever efforts you try to do in the process of making things work as long as it involves you connecting with them. So what should I do?

Apply a no contact rule, like they say it’s easier said than done, but on contrary you will never know how easy or hard it is if you don’t try. Yet again if your goal is to get your partner back, what stops you from doing the right thing, however painful it might be?

Applying no contact rule does not mean completely stop contacting your partner; it’s not easy we all know it. Applying no contact rule means to apply some rules to your communication. Rules like

• Avoid being the one to start talks about getting back together.
• Avoid being the one to start conversations that talk about issues that you had.
• Avoid forgiveness pleas, only ask for forgiveness if your partner talked about any issue that you did, if your partner don’t talk about any issue, don’t ask for forgiveness.
• Avoid talking about how you miss them.
• Keep your conversations to things you know they like, unless they start talking about your relationships, talk about things like their hobbies, favourite sport, favourite TV shows, music, children and all of sort.

The idea here is to avoid being the one to start talks about your relationship. Unless the partner starts the talk, you better not talk about it (your relationship), keep your conversation to other thing not you.

Make conversation very short and make sure you are always the one to end the conversation. Unless they asked you to stay or they asked you to not hang-up on them, whenever you get a chance to talk to your partner, make the conversation very shot and always be the one to say “I have to go see you when I see you”.

List all the misunderstandings and conflicts you had before breaking up.

Discover what exactly your partner wants you to say to them that will make them rethink about leaving you. When people breakup, they breakup for certain reasons, sometimes it’s a huge big tangible reason, sometimes it’s a build of many small, small reasons that grew out of hand for one to handle and decided to call it a quit. This means in order for broken couple to makeup, a certain percentage of those reason have to addressed and dealt with accordingly before they can all think that it’s a good idea to get back together. The question is do you know what the reasons that made your partner breakup from you are? What do you intend to talk about the first time your partner will want to talk about reconciliation?

Not knowing what to talk about in reconciliation conversations is one reason why your partner avoids talking to you. Their minds instinctually know what they want you to talk about; they know how they want you to ask for another try. They don’t want to hear you rambling about forgiveness, and how you are going to be a different person. What your partner wants even though they are not personally aware that it’s what they want but their minds do, is to hear you submitting to each and every issue you had in its tiniest bit, their minds want you to treat each issue however small it is, as a single issue on its own. Say if luck of sex was one of the issues that caused endless fights in the house, but there was late coming, luck of emotional support and whatever it might have been; don’t just promise to be a different person, if you happen to know all the issues, talk about one and only one issue at a time. If possible for the entire conversation and leave others for another time. They want to hear you giving them a reason to look back.

But how do you know all those small tiny problems? List them, take your time, be honest to yourself, and list each and every tiny issue, words of anger and anger promises that you used to make to your selves every time you had an argument.

Honestly analyse and judge each entry in your list, accepting where it was your fault and listing that separately. Now formulate the reasons why your partner should forget about each issue that you were responsible of. Next time you meet, make sure you tell them how you intend to change as far as that single issue is concerned. One by one until you finish the entire list.